HUSH, Child: FINDING MY VOICE & BREAKING THE SILENCE
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A web of family lies began to unravel during a session of Dale Lykins’ voice therapy. It defined his existence, causing him to hold tension in his body in an attempt to protect himself.
Dale didn’t trust very many people, including himself. He thought he was a disappointment, and carried himself accordingly. He tried making everyone happy so he would feel that he had worth. On top of his childhood of abuse and bullying, his evangelical Christian church taught him that God both hated him and loved him at the same time. Dale believed them. When his family truths were exposed and he found his voice, he knew that the “struggle” with same-sex attraction he felt throughout his life was not something he could just talk or pray away. Dale spoke the truth about his sexuality to his wife and their adult kids and, finally, to the rest of the world.
In Hush, Child: Finding My Voice & Breaking the Silence, Dale Lykins shares his winding journey and a captivating story for people who, like him, have lost their own voices and want to take them back.
Want to see Dale and the people who were part of his story? Visit Hush, Child: The Gallery to see pictures throughout Dale’s life.
Author’s noteS
KENDEL
I began writing Hush, Child five years ago. When I started putting the story on paper, I referred to having two daughters, Beth and Elyse. In 2022 Elyse told her mom and I that they were agender, a sub-category of non-binary not identifying with either male or female gender norms. Elyse changed their pronouns to they/them and their name to Kendel.
Here are their own words about that:
Anyone who’s interacted with me for more than five minutes knows that I am just about as far away from being a “girly girl” as one can be. I vividly remember being asked in preschool if I had an address. I didn’t know that word at the time, but I hated dresses and immediately knew that I didn’t want one! But I’m also not a “tomboy” either. I didn’t make it far in sports, and if I never go camping again I will die happy.
A few months ago I had a thought that I should have just laughed about and shrugged off. But it didn’t feel funny in the moment. It felt viscerally real. That thought led to a lot of research and introspection, and now I know myself better than before.
Kendel’s mom and I knew about his journey with counselors which led him to understand more about himself and have the courage and language as well as concepts to speak it and name it.
In September 2022, Kendel shared with us that as the journey has progressed he indeed was feeling that he was more masculine. So he came out as a transgender male.
I intentionally affirm all people and am sensitive to what is entailed in that affirmation when it comes to the LGBTQ persons.
I wasn’t sure how to handle what I had already written in the book. Do I change the name I had used a few times and the references to a second daughter? So, I asked Kendel.
He said that he was very comfortable with leaving his previous name (often referred to as “dead name”) where I used it and to make a parenthetical acknowledgement in the last chapter that since the writing process began I have a trans son.
Kendel told me he was fine acknowledging that he used to be called Elyse and identified as a female. It was part of his story and his journey to where he is now.
So, that’s what I did. I went back and reduced the use of “daughters” where I could and made a short acknowledgement on page 198.
This is how my son invited me to approach this change since I began writing those many years ago.
MOM
As I began to write Hush, Child my relationship with my mother was pretty good.
Coming out to her in May 2019 went fairly smoothly. She was concerned for what the Bible said against homosexuality and what it meant for me. Knowing her conservative Christian beliefs and thoughts, that didn’t surprise me.
We had a couple of glitches since when Mom posted anti-LGBTQ memes on social media.
What has ensued since had me thinking that I would write a few things differently now and wouldn’t be so positive and hopeful for change in our relationship.
I don’t want to go into the details, but I really needed to set some solid boundaries. At least for now.
We haven’t spoken since June 2022. Maybe that will change some day. For now, I am healing from trauma caused by what I share in Hush, Child. There’s more I didn’t include in the book.
I continue counseling and realized that as I heal from old wounds, I am not ready to expose myself to new wounds. I don’t have the capacity for that…yet.
Maybe that will change some day.
Hush, Child: Discussion Guide
Was there a moment in the book that got your attention?
What aspects of the story/book could you most relate to?
Were there gaps you wish were filled in? Something you want to know more about?
Dale was in denial about the abusive moments in his life. That is easy to do, and the brain can protect us from those memories by pushing them into the background. However, the body holds the trauma. The body knows. Have you ever had a similar experience? How did Dale come to truth?
The title, Hush, Child, is full of layers of meaning. What comes to mind?
Think about that Dale’s childhood and early adult life involved complexity. It wasn’t all “bad.” There were funny moments. There were moments of happiness. The adults doing harm were also people who laughed with him.
The story in Hush, Child is one of abuse in a variety of ways. Where do you see that?
Dale included that his sexual orientation wasn’t connected to his sexual abuse. He is gay because he is not because his grandfather abused him. Remember, as Linda reminded him, his grandmother abused him as well. Why do you think that was important to include?
What ideas do you think Dale Lykins was trying to get across in writing this book? What was his purpose in doing so?
What did you learn from reading Hush, Child?